High Expectations

Disclaimer: I started blogging to document the things that are going on in our lives. The main reason is to document Walker's achievements and milestones and give him something to look back on. Another reason is to give me an outlet to express myself. Lately I feel like I cannot voice my opinions about anything on my blog or on facebook without someone assuming I am talking about them and getting their feelings hurt. The truth of the matter is that these are my personal feelings and I am not going to censor myself. Most of the time the things that I write are not about any one person in particular.

Lately I have felt very alone. I wish that my family lived closer. I miss them like crazy and could really use their support at times. I talk to my mom at least once a day (at least being the key words) and the support she gives me is terrific but it sure would be nice to be able to have her over for dinner regularly or to go to lunch or go shopping or get our nails done. I really just miss my mom and sisters.

I have a great support system in my husband. He is truly my biggest champion and although some people refuse to believe it, he is the first to tell me when I am wrong and he is the first to have my back. I got very lucky that I have someone who stands beside me the way that he does. I have found another great outlet in the playgroup that Walker and I are involved with. It has been such a blessing to be able to go to these activities and meetups and get to know other Moms and children. Walker has become more trusting of people and more social and I have the opportunity to meet new people.

Meeting new people has always been a struggle for me. I am the type of person who doesn't like you before I like you. I dislike that about myself but it doesn't look like it is going to change. However, I feel like once I am your friend, I am the most loyal friend you could have. I feel like I go above and beyond for my friends and try to be there for them in any way I can. To me, friendship is sacred. Lately, I have felt like my expectations of my friends may be too high. It seems like people do not seem to value friendship the way I do. I expect my friends to be honest with me, even if I don't like it. I expect my friends to listen to my opinion, especially when it has been asked. I expect my friends to not talk about me behind my back (it always seems to get back to me). I expect my friends to be kind and considerate. I expect my friends to be real and true friends, not just facebook friends. I feel like facebook gives people a false sense of friendship. True friends communicate with each other, especially in times of trials. Posting something on someone's facebook wall or status is not true communication. Maybe I have too high of expectations for my friends. Maybe I am the problem. I just feel like the golden rule is just as evident in friendship as it is in everyday life. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It's as simple as that.