TTC Roller Coaster

TTC has been one of the most emotional roller coasters of my life. I have good days and bad days on this journey. On my good days I am hopeful. On my good days I tell myself that I know our family is not yet complete. I tell myself that I know Walker is going to be an amazing big brother. I tell myself that I know Walker is going to have a friend for life in a sibling. I tell myself that I know God is in control.

On my bad days I can't sleep. On my bad days I cry after everyone else has gone to bed. On my bad days I feel bitter, angry, and sad. On my bad days I question God's plan. On my bad days I question myself and wonder what I did wrong. On my bad days, I blog.

I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I feel like I was born to be a mom. Being a mom is a lot different than I pictured but it is more amazing than I could have imagined. I always wanted three children - two boys and a girl. Chris and I knew we wanted to start a family right away and we did. We never imagined that we would have a hard time expanding our family. After being on this journey for now fifteen months, I look back and realize how naive we were to think that we were in control of the size of our family. God is in control.

I go for more tests on June 2nd and I pray for better results than I got last month. I hope that God answers our prayers and this journey is only a temporary one for us. I also thank God everyday for the amazing little guy we have been blessed with. He is the light of our lives.