Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is something I struggle with and have struggled with for as long as I remember. My husband and I joke that I have a three strike rule when it comes to people and it's a joke that is soaked in truth. This is something I wish I could change about myself and I am trying to do just that.  What's even worse is that I fully expect to be forgiven when I admit my wrongs. I am aware of the hypocrisy.

It's almost 2 am and I am lying in bed doing everything I can to avoid going to sleep. First, Facebook updates. Next was that darn Candy Crush level I just can't seem to beat and now blogging. All this to avoid a conversation with God tonight. You see, tonight I need to ask for forgiveness and I am struggling. Tonight I said something that I feel terrible about and I need His forgiveness. I know he will give it to me - that's just the kind of guy he is. But me??! I'm not so quick to forgive...even myself. Every mistake seems to linger in my head and on my heart for days or until a bigger mistake takes over it's spot on my heart. 

I know mistakes are a part of life and what is important is the lesson you take from the mistake. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, and others, for that matter. I also know that I should not ever be afraid to have a conversation with God. I know he sees my heart, my intentions, and he knows that I am good. I am thankful for a Lord who will forgive me even when I struggle to forgive myself.