A Walk Down Memory Lane

We celebrated our second wedding anniversary on April 11th and it was one of those perfect days where things just seem to go right and everything in the world seems to line up perfectly into place. Even a flat tire on our ride home couldn't bring us down from where we were that day. I wish I could bottle that feeling but I know our paradise is just a short drive to Alexander City.

For our anniversary we packed up the car and headed to Children's Harbor in Alexander City where we were married two years ago that very day. I saw Children's Harbor in a bridal magazine and I knew right away that it was the spot for us. We got married on April 11, 2009 which was also our six year anniversary. Our wedding weekend was eventful, to say the least. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. That Friday, April 10th, we were supposed to have our wedding rehearsal except that somebody forgot to tell Mother Nature and the weather had other plans. There was a tornado that came right through and we ate our rehearsal dinner with lights blinking on and off. Our wedding party left with souvenirs of hail dents in their car from hail the size of a softball. My hair stylist canceled on me the day before my wedding. And a whole gaggle of other things that I will not go into occurred. Needless to say, with the exception of marrying the love of my life, the day that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life goes down in history as one of the days I would most like to do over.

I have great, beautiful pictures from my wedding but I have trouble even looking at them. They are beautiful pictures but I am not myself in them. I look at them and all of the feelings of that day come back.

Because of this, I was nervous about going back to Children's Harbor. I hoped that the feelings of hurt and disappointment would not come flooding back. We drove over the big bridge and I saw the lighthouse on the left with the beautiful lake shimmering in the sun, I saw the chapel on the right where we were married and I said to Chris, "It's just as beautiful as I remember it." For the first time, my memories of that day went to the harpist playing as I walked down the aisle, went to seeing my sister and now nephew Ryan walking down the aisle, and went back to the moments just before our wedding when it was just me and Chris on the lighthouse. Because at the end of the day, nothing that happened that day came between us. In the end, Love won.

We spent a while at the chapel. We took in the warm air and the sound of the lake. We let Walker run around and sit in the pews. And before we left, we noticed the time was the exact time of our wedding so we stood at the altar, looked in each others eyes, held hands, and said "I do" all over again. This time we had a little one standing between our legs and we shared a family kiss.

Here are some of our favorite pictures at the chapel on our wedding day
Here are some pictures of our Anniversary trip to the chapelWhen we left the chapel we went to my favorite place on Children's Harbor - the lighthouse! It is a beautiful sight and was the location for our "First Sight Moment" before the wedding. Chris and I had some private time at the lighthouse before our ceremony started. Here are some pictures from that day:When we were at the lighthouse on our anniversary, it was just as windy as I remember and a million times more peaceful than I remember. We stayed out there for a long time looking at the water, taking pictures of Walker, and just enjoying the view. Here are some of the pictures we took from our special day at the lighthouse.It was such a special day being able to take Walker to the place where we were married. He had a blast and I left feeling very thankful that we made lots of new memories at a place that holds such a special place in my heart.

A Heavy Heart

I can honestly say that I have only had my heart broken one time. It was a long enough time ago that I have forgotten how bad it hurts until I was reminded today. Having a heavy heart is a common saying but I learned today that it is also a feeling. My heart feels so heavy today. Today I got some news that has completely devastated me. I knew there was something wrong. I should have listened to myself and trusted myself. It would have saved me fourteen months of being let down.

I know that I have been completely open about what is going on with our journey to expand our family but for some reason I am feeling very reclusive right now. Please just send up a prayer for me during this time.

Words to Live by

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway." - Mother Theresa

A Day Out With Thomas

A couple of weekends ago our little family spent the day with Thomas the Train! We went to the Heart of Dixie Railroad Museum in Calera and spent the afternoon having lots of fun!

We went straight to the bubbles! You loved the big bubbles and laughed everytime they floated past you.


Mommy even saw one of her friends from college and her son, Brayden. Here are Brayden and Megan playing with the bubbles right beside you and Daddy.


Our next activity was playing with the train tables.









You met a friend....



And you made Mommy proud when you shared your toys with him...




You even shared with Mommy and Daddy...



We visited the petting zoo. You enjoyed petting the rabbits.




You held close to Daddy when the goats stuck their head through the fence.




You said "Duckies" and pointed to the ducks.



You were so excited to ride the train that you could hardly stand the wait.



While we were in line you and Daddy made funny faces at each other.



It was time to ride Thomas the Train!



While we were on the train ride you enjoyed looking out the window at the passing scenery, playing with your shoes, and spending time with Mommy and Daddy.

Small Blessings

I really dislike the feelings of jealousy and bitterness that seem to accompany TTC. I was watching television today and Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott were on television and Tori announced that she was pregnant. I am ashamed to admit that I was jealous and mad - AT TORI SPELLING! I love Tori Spelling, I watch all of her shows, and I think it's great that they are having a child. But in the moment, I was resentful, I was angry, I was sad, and these are all feelings that should not accompany the announcement of a pregnancy. I do not like that I am having these feelings and it has weighed very heavily on my heart and mind today. I have prayed about it a lot today and I hope that this bitterness leaves my heart.

Just when I start to feel sorry for myself I am reminded that things are never as bad as they seem. I have several friends who are on this journey with me and I have a couple of friends who are dealing with issues and problems beyond being unable to get pregnant. I know that I could not deal with the issues they are dealing with and I am reminded that although we each are struggling with the same issue, we are dealing with very different circumstances. I think that is a very important thing to remember.

I know in my heart that our family is not complete. Walker is my pride and joy and I love him more than I could ever put into words but there is something in my heart that tells me our family is so close to being complete, but we are not quite there. There is a new sense of certainty that has filled my heart. I just know we are close. I do not know when it will happen but I know it will and that gives me hope.

This little boy is going to make an amazing big brother.