Letting Walker Be.

I really thought I had several more years of making every single decision for my three (almost four) year old.  I don't know what gave me that idea especially since Walker has been the most independent strong-willed child since he was born.  I have been trying to find Walker and Wyatt the perfect backpacks for a couple of weeks now and finally decided on Pottery Barn backpacks for them in the same style but in different colors because I like them to coordinate but not match. We were out the other day and stopped by Pottery Barn Kids to look at the backpacks in person.  We walked in and Walker went right up to the backpacks and said, "SNAKES! I want the one with snakes!" I literally cringed.  "Don't you like the one with baseballs?" I asked.  "No! Snakes!" I spent a good 15 minutes pointing out all the other super awesome (and by super awesome I mean momma approved) backpacks in an effort to get him to choose any of them other than the snakes.  I tried and tried to get him to choose the baseball backpack by pointing out the "cool colors" and telling him how much he loves baseballs.  And suddenly my stomach dropped and I became disappointed in my efforts.  What was I doing? He walked right in that store and went right up to the one he liked the best.  His eyes had gotten so wide and his smile was even wider when he saw the backpack with snakes crawling all over it and here I was trying to convince my son that he did not want it when he so obviously did.  We decided to look around at some other stores before buying a backpack and we did not find anything that compared to the quality of the ones we saw at PBK.  We went back to Pottery Barn Kids a few days later and I had planned to run right in and grab the ugly snakes backpack but Walker walked in and went straight to the baseball backpack - "This one. I love baseballs!" My heart sank.  What had I done? He had been so excited about those snakes.  I felt intense guilt that I had made him feel like he was wrong for what he liked. I made him really believe that he wanted the baseball backpack.  I knelt down to him and I told him that he could pick ANY backpack he wanted and I would love it but he had to pick what HE wanted. 

We came home with a snakes backpack and a snakes lunchbox. 

It's hard for me to accept that Walker is growing up and making decisions for himself.  I pray that I do a better job of encouraging him and embracing his choices.  Would I have picked the snakes backpack? Nope, but that doesn't mean that it was the wrong choice.  My children are going to make a lot of choices as they grow that I may not agree with but I want to be the type of parent who supports my children in their decisions even if I do not agree with all of them.  And I want to be the type of parent who lets my children express themselves - even if it's through "scary snakes" as Walker said in the middle of Pottery Barn with his nose squished up and his hands by his face with his fingers wiggling like little snakes and a huge smile on his face.  Because after all, those smiles are what life is really about and whatever makes him smile like that is beautiful to me.

"To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing." -I Peter 3:8-9