Small Blessings

I really dislike the feelings of jealousy and bitterness that seem to accompany TTC. I was watching television today and Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott were on television and Tori announced that she was pregnant. I am ashamed to admit that I was jealous and mad - AT TORI SPELLING! I love Tori Spelling, I watch all of her shows, and I think it's great that they are having a child. But in the moment, I was resentful, I was angry, I was sad, and these are all feelings that should not accompany the announcement of a pregnancy. I do not like that I am having these feelings and it has weighed very heavily on my heart and mind today. I have prayed about it a lot today and I hope that this bitterness leaves my heart.

Just when I start to feel sorry for myself I am reminded that things are never as bad as they seem. I have several friends who are on this journey with me and I have a couple of friends who are dealing with issues and problems beyond being unable to get pregnant. I know that I could not deal with the issues they are dealing with and I am reminded that although we each are struggling with the same issue, we are dealing with very different circumstances. I think that is a very important thing to remember.

I know in my heart that our family is not complete. Walker is my pride and joy and I love him more than I could ever put into words but there is something in my heart that tells me our family is so close to being complete, but we are not quite there. There is a new sense of certainty that has filled my heart. I just know we are close. I do not know when it will happen but I know it will and that gives me hope.

This little boy is going to make an amazing big brother.

For Walker to Remember

Dear Walker,

There are people in your life that you will not remember. These people loved you and were proud of you. Although you may not remember the time you spent with them, they watch over you, protect you, and serve as your guardian angels.

This past Sunday marked one year since Uncle Bobo was taken from us on April 10, 2010in a motorcycle accident. You got to meet him a couple of weeks before he passed away. We were visiting Huntsville and I thought about taking a picture of you both but we had planned to come back in a couple of weeks and I thought I would get one at that time. Always remember to take a lot of pictures. You will cherish them when the people in them are gone.


I am so thankful that he walked me down the aisle and gave me away on our wedding day. He helped me through that stressful weekend and if you look really close, you can see how hard I am squeezing his arm and sleeve. There is no way I could have walked that aisle alone and I am blessed that he walked beside me.


Our Last Family Picture

I remember Uncle Bobo asking me where the champagne was. I told him we did not have any. "You have to have champagne at your wedding!" And so we did.


Alex, Cassie, Uncle Bobo



Aunt Afton and Uncle Bobo

Grammy and Uncle Bobo

Aunt Shelley and Uncle Bobo




We spent the weekend of April 10, 2010 in Tennessee for a rugby game. Before we left, I told your Daddy that I had a bad feeling about going. I felt like there was going to be an accident and I told him that. I told him I had a strong feeling and I didn't want to travel. He talked me into it and we traveled with a group of friends. The weekend went by without a hitch and halfway into the ride home, my phone rang. My sister told me there had been an accident and Uncle Bobo didn't make it. I felt my chest close in on me and I couldn't breathe. We had to stop the car and I had to get out and get some air. I didn't understand how this could have happened. We were supposed to see him in just a couple of weeks and we had just seen him a few weeks before.

Nobody is promised another day or another minute. We are here for a short time and then we are gone for what can seem like an eternity. The time you have with the people in your life cannot be wasted and should be treasured. You should always make sure that you say "I love you" often to those around you. Let people know how you feel about them. I promise that I will tell you everyday how much I love you and how special you are.

Where We Stand

I have been pretty open with the fact that we are trying to expand our family. We always knew that we wanted our kids extremely close in age and we began trying for a second baby when Walker was only three months old. Ideally, our kids would be a year apart. I knew that there was only a slim chance of me getting pregnant while I was breastfeeding. My doctor was very open with the fact that there is only a 1% chance of getting pregnant while breastfeeding for the first six months. When the baby turns six months old the chances of getting pregnant while breastfeeding go up to 6%. I have come across a lot of people who do not know that while you are breastfeeding, your cycle does not typically return for a long period of time. Breastfeeding mothers release a hormone called Prolactin that causes the cycle to be delayed. Some people get their cycle back after a month and I have heard of some people not getting it back for two years. For me, my cycle returned in September 2010 when Walker was ten months old. Of course I was not happy to see it return. I had gone 19 months without this annoyance but I was a bit relieved because I thought we would finally get pregnant right away. This didn't happen for us.

I went to my yearly appointment in January and my doctor told me that if I wasn't pregnant in the next couple of months that I would need to come back in for some testing. March came and went and there was no sign of my cycle. I thought for sure that I was pregnant. I have never skipped a menstrual cycle. I tested four times that month, every few days, and all my tests were negative. Finally, on April 4th, my cycle showed up. I was shocked and more determined than before. I made an appointment on March 31st to see my doctor and my appointment was Tuesday April 5th. My doctor walked in and said, "We've got to get you pregnant!" Yes ma'am, that is the goal.

She immediately wanted to put me on Clomid but I explained to her that we are not interested in treatment at this time. Here is the tricky part. I feel the need to stop my story here and clear something up. The first thing I want to make perfectly clear is that I use facebook and my blog to keep my close family and friends informed about things going on in my life. I did update my status about this situation for a few reasons. The first reason is what I have already stated, that I use Facebook to keep my close friends and family in the loop. Sure, I could call them all personally but honestly, this isn't the type of thing you want to talk about over and over and over. The second reason I shared this is because I have a lot of friends who are fighting this same fight. I have several friends who are having problems getting pregnant and we have formed a bond over this. Now, I have apparently ruffled some feathers over some statements I have made and feel the need to clarify them, especially since MY opinions have cost me at least one friend.

I have stated that Chris and I "do not believe in fertility treatments". That is our belief FOR OUR FAMILY. I believe in everyone's right and ability to do what is best for THEIR FAMILY. I believe that fertility treatments work and I have seen the proof of what they can do for someone struggling to have a child. I am in no way judging the decisions that people make for themselves and their own family. I would appreciate the same lack of judgment but apparently that is too much to ask of some people. For us and OUR FAMILY, fertility treatments are not something we are interested in at this time. We already have one amazing little boy and any other children we are given will be bonuses for us. We are extremely lucky to have one child and we thank God that he entrusted this precious life to us for at least a little while. We believe there is a plan for our family and we will honor that plan. With that being said, these are thoughts today. I cannot say that we will not change our minds in the future but for now, we feel lucky that we were given the opportunity to parent Walker. Although we want to give Walker a sibling more than anything in the world, we will be perfectly happy being a family of three if that is God's plan for us. We support and pray for any of our friends who choose fertility treatments as the plan for their family. What is right for one family may not be right for another and we should all be understanding and supportive of each other.

My appointment with the doctor went fine. She wants me to come back on April 25th for some testing to see if I am even ovulating. She told me that ovulation tests do not actually tell if the egg was released. She said that the ovulation tests just predict if your body is going through the motions of preparing for ovulation. The only way to test is by doing bloodwork. If the tests show that I am ovulating, she will diagnose Secondary Infertility. Secondary Infertility is unexplained infertility in women who have already had a child or children. If I am not ovulating, therein lies our issue and we would have to figure out the cause.

So that's where we stand in our quest to expand our family. I never thought that this journey to expand our family would lead to friends not speaking to me. With that being said, we will stay true to our beliefs and we will do what is right for us and our family. In the meantime, we will stay in amazement of this precious little boy who came to us 16 months ago. No matter what the outcome, we can say that we are the lucky ones.

A Day in the Life of a SAHM

I am so lucky that I get to stay home with my baby boy. I am so thankful that I do not miss a minute and I have been lucky enough to see every major milestone as it happens. I am thankful to my sweet hubby for working so hard so that I can enjoy this time with my little one. My husband fancies himself a jokester so sometimes he comes home and the dishes aren't done and he jokingly asks me, "What do you DO all day?" I have to repeat - he is joking! : )

So yesterday when he asked me this I decided that I would document my day for him just as my own little "joke"! Today I documented my day from the time I woke up to the time he walked in the door and presented it to him with a big, "THIS is what I do all day" and an even bigger smooch-a-roo! I decided to post it for other people who may be wondering just what stay at home moms do all day.

7 am: Wake up!
7-8: Walker has breakfast and Mommy takes two quizzes online
8-8:08: Pick up food that Walker threw down, Wipe down his highchair and wash highchair tray8:09-8:25: Nurse Walker
8:27-8:32: Diaper Change (Hubs wondered why this diaper change lasted five minutes. Welllllll, Mr. Man has figured out that he can get up and run off during diaper changes.)
8:34-8:52: Went to the dry cleaners to pick up W's bumper pad
8:57-9:02: Put a load of laundry in
9:03-9:13: Mommy has breakfast
9:15-9:22: Nursed W
9:27-9:37: Storytime - Read W's current favorite book which is 123 Sesame Street
9:37: Playtime - we played with cars, balls, and W's music instruments10:21-10:23: Diaper Change (woo hoo! Only 3 minutes!!!)
10:37-11:27: Nursed W
11:27: Walker fell asleep on the couch11:34: Mommy gets a potty break
11:36-11:52: Laundry
11:52-12:00: Clean up toys from playtime12:00: Cook lunch for W
12:06: Paint a frame
12:26: Walker wakes up and eats lunch12:49: Mommy has lunch
1-1:05: Diaper Change
1:05-1:33: Play outside - Rides Four Wheeler, plays with dogs, and chases mommy around the yard1:37-1:44: Counted frames for craft show
1:44-1:53: Took Pictures of items for sale
1:55 Put Items on Facebook
3:00-3:03: Diaper Change
3:05-3:19: Laundry
3:19-3:34: Washed Dishes
3:34 Baked Cookies
4:40 Daddy comes home!

Tackle It Tuesday

I have thoroughly missed my Tackle It Tuesdays. I have become a slacker when it comes to the blog and not that I have a shortage of projects to tackle but my enthusiasm has been lacking lately. I have been so busy working on things for my upcoming craft shows that Tackle It Tuesdays have fallen by the waist side but NOT TODAY! : )

I got an awesome machine for my Valentine's Day present from my sweet Valentine. This machine is for my little business but will be used often for personal use as well. I have been very intimidated of it and scared to get it out of the box. I read some reviews that it was hard to use but I finally decided to get it out and play with it. It was fantastic. It was not hard to figure out. It allows me to do many things but the main thing is that it cuts vinyl. I need practicing figuring out just how to align the vinyl so as not to waste any and get the most cut out that I can but, all in all, it was super fun.

My first project with the vinyl lettering was these blocks. I have an order in for a full set of the letters but I wanted to go ahead and get these done and up since I have so many friends who are expecting. These blocks go perfectly with Walker's nursery. I have posted many other background options on my facebook page.

High Expectations

Disclaimer: I started blogging to document the things that are going on in our lives. The main reason is to document Walker's achievements and milestones and give him something to look back on. Another reason is to give me an outlet to express myself. Lately I feel like I cannot voice my opinions about anything on my blog or on facebook without someone assuming I am talking about them and getting their feelings hurt. The truth of the matter is that these are my personal feelings and I am not going to censor myself. Most of the time the things that I write are not about any one person in particular.

Lately I have felt very alone. I wish that my family lived closer. I miss them like crazy and could really use their support at times. I talk to my mom at least once a day (at least being the key words) and the support she gives me is terrific but it sure would be nice to be able to have her over for dinner regularly or to go to lunch or go shopping or get our nails done. I really just miss my mom and sisters.

I have a great support system in my husband. He is truly my biggest champion and although some people refuse to believe it, he is the first to tell me when I am wrong and he is the first to have my back. I got very lucky that I have someone who stands beside me the way that he does. I have found another great outlet in the playgroup that Walker and I are involved with. It has been such a blessing to be able to go to these activities and meetups and get to know other Moms and children. Walker has become more trusting of people and more social and I have the opportunity to meet new people.

Meeting new people has always been a struggle for me. I am the type of person who doesn't like you before I like you. I dislike that about myself but it doesn't look like it is going to change. However, I feel like once I am your friend, I am the most loyal friend you could have. I feel like I go above and beyond for my friends and try to be there for them in any way I can. To me, friendship is sacred. Lately, I have felt like my expectations of my friends may be too high. It seems like people do not seem to value friendship the way I do. I expect my friends to be honest with me, even if I don't like it. I expect my friends to listen to my opinion, especially when it has been asked. I expect my friends to not talk about me behind my back (it always seems to get back to me). I expect my friends to be kind and considerate. I expect my friends to be real and true friends, not just facebook friends. I feel like facebook gives people a false sense of friendship. True friends communicate with each other, especially in times of trials. Posting something on someone's facebook wall or status is not true communication. Maybe I have too high of expectations for my friends. Maybe I am the problem. I just feel like the golden rule is just as evident in friendship as it is in everyday life. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It's as simple as that.

Sweet Poem

I was feeling a little down tonight when I came across this beautiful poem and it made me realize just how blessed I am to have a healthy and amazing baby boy who is truly the light of my life. Walker has shown me the true meaning of love and for that I will be forever thankful. It is impossible to understand the love a mother has for her child until you become a mother and experience that love first hand. I am so thankful to my husband and my son for allowing me to experience this love.

Small Blessings

Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day
With little time to stop and pray
For life's been anything but calm
Since You called on me to be a mom
Running errands, matching socks
Building dreams with building blocks
Cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes
And other stuff that children lose
Getting lids on bottled bugs
Wiping tears and giving hugs
A stack of last week's mail to read
So where's the quiet time I need?
Yet when I steal a minute, Lord
Just at the sink or ironing board
To ask the blessings of Your grace
I seen then, in my small one's face
That you have blessed me
All the while
And I stop to kiss
That precious smile.