Sometimes babies grow up...

There are lots of things I have learned about being a mom that I did not truly understand until I was knee deep in the trenches of it all.  The most important one is a mother's love.  One of the most beautiful things about becoming a mom is that you are finally able to understand the love your parents feel for you.  It's like a switch finally flips and you just get it.  For me, my love for my sons can be overwhelming at times and that is one thing I was not expecting.  I can be in the middle of an ordinary day and become so emotional when it comes to my sons.  Nobody warned me about this and I can just lose it over the smallest of things.  As I have mentioned I work at my sons' preschool.  Last week Walker got in trouble at school and he has never been in trouble at school before.  Let's be clear - he gets in trouble at home, and often, but he seems to do great with other children and with other adults. His teacher is a friend of mine and as she was telling me what happened I just started crying.  It was nothing major, and actually totally normal misbehavior if there is such a thing.  I still don't know why I started crying.  I know that I was disappointed but I also know that children are not perfect.

 I really wish I had it figured out.  All I know is that when it comes to these two little boys, my eyes fill with tears a lot.  Whether it is from pride, laughter, bad days, or memories, nothing gets me quite like they do.  The hubs and I were catching up on our DVR the other night and we were watching The Goldbergs. I was working in the floor, barely listening when I heard this quote:

"It's all just going by so fast and it's hard because every year he gets older and I feel like I'm just having to say goodbye to a little boy I was just getting to know."

 

Yes. YES. Yes. My eyes filled with tears.  That is exactly how I feel.  Walker will be four years old next month.  I cannot even believe how fast time is passing us and I want so desperately to find some way to stop it.  He is obsessed over "growing big like you and Daddy" and he tells me that every single day.  I tell him to stop growing and he says to me, "But mommy, sometimes babies grow up."

 

You're right, my love, sometimes babies grow up.  And sometimes mommies cry at just the mere thought of them growing up.  And I am trying real hard to be okay with both of those things.